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Cup of Tea

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.

I was maybe 2 1/2 years old. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a gift and it was one of my favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.

My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up.

Then she says, (as only a mother would know.. :)

- Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?'

Low Fat Recipes

Bill and Sam

Bill and Sam, two elderly friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.

One day Bill didn't show up. Sam didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something. But after Bill hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn't know where Bill lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.

A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Bill . But one day, Sam approached the park and -- lo and behold! --there sat Bill! Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, 'For crying out loud Bill , what in the world happened to you?'

Bill replied, 'I have been in jail.'

'Jail?' cried Sam. 'What in the world for?'

'Well,' Bill said, 'you know Mary, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometime go?'

'Yeah,' said Sam, 'I remember her. What about her?'

'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court I pled 'guilty.'

'The damn judge gave me 30 days for perjury.'

Weight Management: Enhancers

Wedding

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother,

'Why is the bride dressed in white?''

The mother replied,

'Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.'

The child thought about this for a moment then said,

'So why is the groom wearing black?'

Personal Care

Baptism

Johnny's Mother looked out the window and noticed him 'playing church' with their cat. He had the cat sitting quietly and he was preaching to it. She smiled and went about her work.

A while later she heard loud meowing and hissing and ran back to the open window to see Johnny baptizing the cat in a tub of water. She called out, 'Johnny, stop that! The cat is afraid of water!'

Johnny looked up at her and said, 'He should have thought about that before he joined my church.'

Low Fat Recipes

DEA

A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Montana, and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, 'I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.'

The old rancher says, 'Okay, but do not go in that field over there' as he points out the location.

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, 'Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.' Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the farmer. 'See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish...on any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?'

The old rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased close behind by the rancher's prize bull. With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get "horned" before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The old rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....

'Your badge! Show him your badge!'

Horse ride Chile

Mafia Don...

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls for his grandson to approach his bed.

"Lissin a me, I wanna for you to take my chrome-plated .38 caliber revolver, so you willa always remembera me."

The grandson smiles weakly and replies, "But, grandpa, I really don' alike-a guns, howzabout you leave-a me you ROLEX watch instead?"

Gasping for air the old man answers with a snarl in his voice. "Shuddup an lissin."

"Somma day, you gonna runna da business. You gonna have a beautiful a wife, lotsa money, a biga house, and maybe a couple of bambinos." After a slight pause to catch his breath, he continues. "Somma day, you gonna comma home, and maybe find you wife inna bed with another man."

"Whadda you gonna do....pointa to you watch and say, "Times up?"

Personal Care